My friend Allen left this morning. He was here in "the tank" for eleven months. I've known him for three months pluse three weeks. We have had many late night talks about religion, God, Spirit, politics, jail, the weather and THE HAWKS!! He too hated the tank-noise so he slept during the day and enjoyed the quiet 'tween midnight and breakfast at 4:30 AM. Talking with him was an exercise in complete focus. He has a very solft voice and a strong Filipino accent. Our chats required that I pay total attention...TOTAL...as in mindfulness training! I had to avoid the temptation...actually the habit of my mind...to begin formulating my response BEFORE he finished his thought. I had to BE HERE NOW!! After a while, it became delightful to wait - take a breath, then let Spirit volley a reply back to him. The exciting and scary part was I didn't know what I was going to say until I spoke. I will miss him.
In essence, he gave me my very first experience of being in the moment WITHOUT closing my eyes to meditate or "become mindful". THANK YOU ALLEN!!
To find a friend in this hell.
We part sans regrets
Cotton-ball cumulus clouds
Whisper as they pass
Occasionally these physically demonstrative quarrels nudge my PTSD awake so I retreat to my bunk...and depending upon my strength, I cry...or I sleep...or I practice a session of deep breathing...and Hoohponopono. On those deep breathing days, it doesn't take long for me to find my balance. My psych-docs tell me I'm resilient! I bounce back quickly! The resilience allows them to feel okay about me staying in such stressful situations and I am the only one who FEELS the darkness of my depressive sleeps!
NEWSFLASH!! I think I've foiled the guards predilection for destroying my family fotos during their "sweeps" (aka tossing the tank). Seems when I put the fotos on the wall (using toothpaste as my glue!) I'm using government property...that being THE WALL!! Hence the fotos get ripped down, crumpled and left on the less-than-pristine floor of "the tank". BRIGHT IDEA!??? Create something upon which to put the fotos so that THE GOVERNMENT WALL is not involved/abused. I've created a montage...fotos toothpasted onto the cardboard which backs my "writing tablet" of lined paper. I paid for the paper...the government did NOT so I'm' hopeful this will end the destruction of MY property!?!@#
Can't think of a fitting closing...so...