Through my "slit window", I'm watching today end. The sky to the southwest is cotton candy pink. Rainier is slowly pulling up her blanket of darkness ready for sleep. I see a lenticular cloud playfully floating near the summit...it looks like that nightcap illustrated in A Night Before Christmas...sweet dreams, my friend. As time marches on... "The tank" has changed composition...yet AGAIN! Now that my friend Allen is gone, I'm the "old man" - old in age and old in terms of "time in the tank"! There are youngsters in here today...twenty-somethings...mostly DUI charges. I notice it's getting easier and easier to isolate as days pass and friends continually leave, sometimes quickly, sometimes with a sense of expectation and farewells. Reading and writing and sleeping take up my 24 hours. Yesterday I was reading a book by John Lennon...just some of his poems, short stories and wacky doodles. One of the "youths" asked me what I was reading so I held up the book so he could see a photo of the Beatles troubadour along with his name. The young man asked me..."Who is John Lennon?" So is it true, you know you're getting old when the Fab Four have become obscure - HA!! Reading The Circle of Fire continues to comfort me. Thank you again to the person who sent it as a gift! It's become a treasure so do let me know who gifted it...please? I've gone through it a couple of times and I read the prayer several times a day. With few exceptions, each chapter seems to be talking directly to me. Today, as I re-read the part on humanity, I noticed a sentence I must have skipped over before. It reads: Let's make our love strong, and let's send our love to our homes, to whomever lives with us. Guess that would be my "tank-mates", my tribe! I find myself judging them most of the time. Okay...I'll send 'em love today. Love is the answer...did I hear John singing?? Just read an article about the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT). It's in the news because of the movie, Wild. Excellent book by the way...read it when I was free and wandering the earth. Now I'm wondering if I could hike the piece of that trail from Snoqualmie Pass north to Mt. Baker. I would love to spend several days backpacking and nights sleeping under a darkened sky sprinkled with a dusting of stars.
Don Miguel Ruiz teaches that I was born a great magician, and with the gift of magic, I can create my personal story...my dream of life! So YES, I can hike The Pacific Crest Trail! That's what i choose... Another famous woman (not necessarily a hiker, I don't think?!) once wrote: You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. Dya' know her name??? I'll tell y'all next time...that's it for today!!
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Just a short blog for all witches and warlocks out there on this Friday, the 13th... A GREAT BIG HARDY THANK YOU to whomever sent me The Circle of Fire by Don Miguel Ruiz. I will start saying the prayer tonite. Here it is for anyone else interested: Today The day of the Lord When the Divinity returns to me When living my free will And with all the power of my spirit I decide to live my life In free communion with God With no exceptions. I will live my life with gratitude, Love, loyalty and justice. Beginning with myself And continuing with my brothers and sisters. I will respect all creation As the symbol of my love communion With the one who created me To the eternal happiness of humanity. I find this prayer to be powerful - AGAIN, THANK YOU...you know who you are !! Please add a comment or drop a line to the blog and let me know to whom I owe this basket full of gratitude. As for my daze...
I continue to wake before dawn to enjoy the peace and quiet and to witness daybreak. Today, the first shafts of buttery sunlight bathed the mountain Rainier, gently waking her. I hope some day soon the sun will gift me with her healing warmth. I'm coming up on four months with no fresh air in these lungs and no sun on my face. Imagine that! I'm getting ready for my "sentencing hearing" on March 6th. I have several letters about my good character being written (again I hope you know the gratitude flowing in your direction, dear friends!) and mailed to my lawyer; and perhaps a few will show up in person. I am filling that hearing-room with angels along with Archangels Michael and Gabriel. The room is full of light and compassion and happiness...something I seldom see in these hallways. Oh, and I've invited in PBSE ... Positive Black Swan Energy (check out The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Taleb). As Richard Feynman once wrote... “In order to make progress, one must leave the door to the unknown ajar ...” At this time, I ask that each of you suspend your belief in the news media and the reports you may hear about my case. All that you see and hear is not true...some is but NOT ALL. Remember, a synonym for "news" is "story". The media tells STORIES to entertain...and sometimes that entertainment affects human lives. My life has been affected. Once I have been sentenced, I will tell you my side! Is it not true, my angel of life That walking hand in hand into the dream of life Every step is blessed by God? THAT'S ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT FOR NOW... The curtain call on Act One of this performance is close at hand. My sentencing hearing is scheduled for March 6, 2015. Would appreciate any good vibes you might flow my way...please!?! My friend Allen left this morning. He was here in "the tank" for eleven months. I've known him for three months pluse three weeks. We have had many late night talks about religion, God, Spirit, politics, jail, the weather and THE HAWKS!! He too hated the tank-noise so he slept during the day and enjoyed the quiet 'tween midnight and breakfast at 4:30 AM. Talking with him was an exercise in complete focus. He has a very solft voice and a strong Filipino accent. Our chats required that I pay total attention...TOTAL...as in mindfulness training! I had to avoid the temptation...actually the habit of my mind...to begin formulating my response BEFORE he finished his thought. I had to BE HERE NOW!! After a while, it became delightful to wait - take a breath, then let Spirit volley a reply back to him. The exciting and scary part was I didn't know what I was going to say until I spoke. I will miss him. In essence, he gave me my very first experience of being in the moment WITHOUT closing my eyes to meditate or "become mindful". THANK YOU ALLEN!! How rare, how lovely To find a friend in this hell. We part sans regrets I watched the morning light chase away the darkness as it ascended over the eastern horizon. It looked like it might be a bright winter Seattle day. But the sun lost its battle with the clouds and vanished. Southern view displays Cotton-ball cumulus clouds Whisper as they pass The northwest dull gray outside is indistinguishable from the depressing gray floors, ceiling, and walls here inside "the tank". I wonder if some color in the tank would help inmates feel happier - less aggressive. The composition in "the tank" has changed over the past week. There have been two fist fights and several angry verbal arguments. The fisticuffs combatants are handcuffed and hauled off to "the hole"...aka solitary. Sometimes the TV privilege is taken away (for which I am secretly grateful!). This works to make the tribe furious at those who caused the ruckus.
Occasionally these physically demonstrative quarrels nudge my PTSD awake so I retreat to my bunk...and depending upon my strength, I cry...or I sleep...or I practice a session of deep breathing...and Hoohponopono. On those deep breathing days, it doesn't take long for me to find my balance. My psych-docs tell me I'm resilient! I bounce back quickly! The resilience allows them to feel okay about me staying in such stressful situations and I am the only one who FEELS the darkness of my depressive sleeps! NEWSFLASH!! I think I've foiled the guards predilection for destroying my family fotos during their "sweeps" (aka tossing the tank). Seems when I put the fotos on the wall (using toothpaste as my glue!) I'm using government property...that being THE WALL!! Hence the fotos get ripped down, crumpled and left on the less-than-pristine floor of "the tank". BRIGHT IDEA!??? Create something upon which to put the fotos so that THE GOVERNMENT WALL is not involved/abused. I've created a montage...fotos toothpasted onto the cardboard which backs my "writing tablet" of lined paper. I paid for the paper...the government did NOT so I'm' hopeful this will end the destruction of MY property!?!@# Can't think of a fitting closing...so... Later Gator |
AuthorPatrick Michael Leonard Archives
August 2020
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