A few days ago I was talking with a tribe member and he reminded me that many of the jails/prisons are now run by corporations. Corporations are people too....is that a quote from Mitt Romney running through my mind?? That got me thinking about recidivism again. Corporations live, breathe and survive on ...mmmm...profits, right?? Seems they depend on new "customers" and/or "repeat customers"...just like the Priority Club at Holiday Inn, eh? If the bed is empty, they lose money...profits, remember? This does not bode well for a lower recidivism rate, does it?? Of course, the prisoner does NOT have to fall back into criminal behavior, but one does wonder....does a corporation feel motivated to attempt to rehabilitate the inmates?? OR is there some hope...even untoward...that s/he might return and thereby fill another bed...increase profits?? Anyone out there with an opinion on this??? Just curious... Ahhhh...it has been foggy here in the NW these days...so foggy this morning that i cannot see the freeway which is approximately 100 yards from my "slit-window"! There's a poem...by....mmmmm....who wrote this: Fog, cat, harbor, haunches, quiet?? ** It's times like this that I miss Google yet, in the past couple of months, I've surprised myself at what I can recall! :) I found a search engine between my ears! HAH! Think I mentioned that I have requested to be moved to a different jail, one that has 1-2 man cells vs this 20 man slumber party I have been occupying for over 90 days. Perhaps I'll get a much better sleep. Hopefully more sleep will mean less depression. BUT...I will be giving up my "slit-window" and the perfect view of Mt. Rainier. Seeing Rainier almost every day is a bit like that O'Henry story...the one about the ivy leaf painted on the wall. (Editor's note: found that story at http://learningenglish.voanews.com/content/a-23-2009-07-31-voa2-83141882/117083.html. You can listen or read!) The leaf that didn't fall throughout the autumn and winter kept the bedridden woman alive. Seeing her (the mountain Rainier!) reminds me that I have the strength to get through this. I have days that feel as tho' I am one catalyst away from totally crashing. Then I look out the window and see the sun gently kissing Rainier, making her blush a pale pink. As I watch, she speaks to me.... "It will all be good, it will all work out." Here's a haiku...just feels right: Everything that was
Has vanished from my aged heart Leaving not a trace - Lio Sogi (1421-1502)
1 Comment
Well, it's been an interesting week...or has it been 10 days?!@# I told KK yesterday that this time in jail has been a little like running a marathon. Keepng my emotions above despondency has been difficult. I have stumbled and fallen. And I have gotten up and kept moving forward. On January 15, I fell and decided I couldn't get up...it simply was not worth getting up one more time! I just sat down and said ENOUGH...I QUIT!! That day, my scheduled day in court was once again extended out another week. The finish line keeps getting moved and it's frustrating not knowing when this will all end. I was a little blue about the delay. Then, after dinner, "the tank" was searched...tossed...swept....whatever word you use, it happened again. I have witnessed and been "victim" of this standard operating procedure several times. I returned from "the hearing" to find all your cards and letters scattered on my bunk and on the floor. Pictures of my family had been ripped off the wall and crumpled. AND my commissary food (treasured commodities in here!) was given the same treatment. Cups of soup were on the floor and on my bed. I think that's really when I gave up...instead of putting everything back in neat little piles, I pulled over "the tank" garbage can and threw it all away!! Then I jumped into bed and fell into a deep, deep sleep. When I awoke and realized what I had done, the blues gave way to depression. I threw away letters and cards and articles that were important...very important...to me and my existence in "the tank". Those pieces of paper were evidence...PROOF that people cared about me! I stopped writing and stopped reading. I stopped eating. I just slept! The 1/15/15 court date had been moved out to 1/22/15. Guess what happened?? YUP!! Extended out to 2/2/15! The wheels of justice??? It's now Sunday, January 25 and I am feeling a bit better - ergo this blog post. Not sure how I will make it to the finish line...if they keep moving it away from me...but I have decided I will try. I've requested to be moved to a different jail. The new location has one and two man cells rather than my current 20 man tank. The noise factor would be better and I would finally get a good night's sleep...I hope! Three months with the lights on and people talking all night long do not make for a restful night...and somewhere I read our nation is filled with folks who cannot sleep, which leads to diabetes and depression as well as accidents in vehicles of all kinds. When I look back over the past ten days, I cannot remember much of it. My lawyer came twice to ask questions and tell me more about my case. If only I could recall the conversations - HA!! I feel as tho' muck, a foot deep, has encased my brain, dulling my senses, obstructing my ability to think clearly or interpret what I hear. Well, I won't worry about what I cannot recall. I will focus on the present once again...and look forward to a meaningful life... Hope you are each well and chanting....
GO HAWKS!! Sometime in the early 1990's, David Cooperrider (along with Suresh Srivastva at Case Western Reserve) started using a model for decision-making called Appreciative Inquiry when he was hired to assess an organization's strengths and weaknesses. In years prior when an Organizational Design Specialist was hired, s/he looked for what was wrong in the company and set about to fix it. With this new perspective, Cooperrider started asking employees with whom he worked..."What do you like most about your job? What here enlivens you?".
I think it was Niels Bohr, the physicist who said you get what you look for. If you look for a particle in physics, that is what you will find. Look for a wave and you will find a wave. The scientist has an impact upon the experiment...right? Dr. Cooperrider took this concept from physics to organizations and started looking for what was right in the companies with which he consulted...what was working not what was "broken"! He affected change by improving on what was already working instead of focusing on what was not! Although "the tank" is a long way from my graduate school studies and is NOT an organization in the most common sense of the word, perhaps I can improve my attitude by being more appreciative. Maybe I can look for what IS working, what is "right"? Could this room be filled with positive thoughts, feelings, creativity and desires? I think ... YES! As an example, during the past three months I have complained about the food, the bedding, the uniform and on and on and on. Last week we had a couple of homeless men assigned to "the tank". They were "beyond delighted" to be dry and warm, to have a blanket and sheets and clean clothes. They didn't have to "dumpster dive" for their meals. They were APPRECIATIVE for things I had complained about over my time here. What did I learn from my "appreciative self-inquiry"? Perspective is relative...and a choice. I was myopic in assessing my circumstance in such a negative light. What I will do in the coming days is to consider events with a 360-degree perspective...mmm...circum spect? My intention is to "look for what is working...what is right!". Wish me luck in this new endeavor... That's it for today. OH! The sunrise was magical. The shades and hues of pink, rush and magenta were "beyond description"! Suffice it to say, the event made me appreciative! Been sick for about a week. First it was a chest cold, then a head cold and then back into my chest....an indecisive cold. I slept alot and missed being "cared for". No one brought me chicken noodle soup. No one put a hand on my back and whispered "It will be alright.". No one changed my bedding. Being sick with family/friends around to comfort is nonetheless suffering; however, being sick in a cold concrete jail cell was UNIMAGINABLE until last week. This week has been suffering with a pinch of lonely and a dash of despair. The situation made me realized that i have not hugged my wife in three months. Something we did everyday is missing! I haven't held her hand or caressed her cheek with my hand...in all that time. I have not been touched in 90 days!!! Oh, the tribesmen do the Obama fist-bump from time-to-time and I get to participate yet knuckles on knuckles doesn't feel like touching...not really. I think I remember reading years ago that a baby who is never touched will die! This makes me wonder how touch might affect the mood, the temper, the psyche of men in custody...AKA tribesmen in "the tank"! As mentioned in earlier blogs, "the tank" has many verbal arguments and a few fist fights have occurred over the past 90 days. What if "the system" invited massage students to "practice" for certification...on inmates? Would there be fewer fights? Would there be fewer Code BLUE episodes? Oh, not a full body massage but rather a fifteen-minute neck and back "kneading" ... in a chair...like those offered at the airport?? I know the jail keeps records of the number of Code Blues (i.e. the number of times that EMS comes to "the tank"). Wish I could figure a way to challenge the jail to experiment with the idea for 120 days; then compare the results to the historical record. I'll bet there would be less anger in "the tank". AND I would bet there would be a "cost saving" as well! (Remember, I = accountant??!!) ALAS, the system is so complex that I would not know where to begin?! I think acupuncture could have a similar positive impact on "the system"...both microcosm and macrocosm. AND, like massage, there are students begging for bodies on which to practice. AND what about the guards?@# Less stress makes every body their best?? Okay...enough of that!! Moments of awakening?!@#? I rarely listen to what spews out of the TV. The little box is blaring for fourteen hours each and every day. Mostly I block it out as I read or write. However, every now and again, I hear a snippet of something - usually when I am pondering how to structure the next sentence in this blog!?@# A few minutes ago I heard Russell Wilson, the Seahawks quarterback, answer a reporter's question (which I did not hear) by quoting The Book of James, Trials and Temptations. Wilson said "Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials." Since I heard it, and his words did not immediately evaporate from my consciousness, I decided to look up the full passage. (YUP, there are plenty of Bibles in jail for such research!) In the Book of James, there are eighteen verses in Chapter One. What I get when I read it...and re-read it...is that I am to consider my current situation with PURE JOY and to PERSEVERE, for in the perseverance, I will become "mature and complete", not lacking anything. As you probably recall, I've read these words from Viktor Frankel and Pema Chodron. NOW I hear them from Russell Wilson. NOW I AM A BELIEVER!!! :) Seriously, I am beginning to GET IT!! Well, that's all for today...gotta get ready for Seahawks vs Panthers. GO HAWKS! Russell Wilson - 3
Doug Baldwin - 89 PURE JOY...right????? by germs in "the tank"! Patrick has been working with energy meridians and tapping and KoolAid packets (with vitamin C in them) to take out the bad guy bugs who invaded his body and took over his chest, his throat, his nose and his head! In other words, he's suffering with a cold...don't ask about healthcare in a jail....just know his body is busy healing itself as best it can... in spite of cold food, cold water and cold air circulating around him!! HE SHALL RETURN!!!!
Editor's Note:
Patrick's blog was recently accepted/published by The Good Men Project (GMP) at www.goodmenproject.com. This site consists of essays written by ordinary people struggling with the challenges of daily living. Patrick was introduced to GMP about three years ago while working thru his issues of PTSD and abuse. During that time, he wrote an article (the backstory for this blog, you might say!) which you can read by going to http://goodmenproject.com/families/my-life-as-a-hermit-crab/ (PS Apologies from this editor who cannot' figger out' how to get these links to work?!@# You will have to cut and paste if you wish to read the above stories?!# BOOOOO HISSSS!!) Patrick asked me to submit his blog to GMP because he was touched by the many stories shared there as well as the caring that humans bring to each other in a community which does not hesitate to discover and uncover the darker side of our condition here on Planet E. Now he asked that I "link" you to their site in hopes that you may discover/uncover more...MORE about your world...your community....your life and its impact on Our world! My oh my....2015!! Yesterday I watched the final sunrise of 2014. The colors reflecting off clouds looked like fireworks in slow motion. It was both beautiful and breathtaking in the same moments! I am so grateful for my little "slit-window". Throughout the day, Mountain Rainier ( Just FYI, my children when young, never called it Mt. Rainier, always Mountain Rainier.) stood tall and strong, reminding me that I can do the same. I cannot see the sun set yet I can observe the gentle hand of twilight as it covers the mountain in the soft blankets of nightfall. Slowly, slowly her silhouette fades as she falls asleep. What silhouette shall I leave here ... another haiku? Nite nite Mt. Rainier That which lights you up has set, Stars now shine on you. Normally, ten o'clock at night is "lights out" and TV off; however, last night the guard allowed "the tank" to watch ol' Father Time hand the new year to the Innocent Babe...what will s/he do with 2015? Let's encourage and intend that our leaders may lead from their hearts and show compassion while looking for solutions "outside the Beltway" (is that like outside the box???). In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
Mahatma Gandhi |
AuthorPatrick Michael Leonard Archives
August 2020
|