A few years back my older brother Jon passed away at age 72. I made it to that milestone last August (2019). As I marched through the past twelve months, I sometimes wondered if I would make it to that milestone of seventy plus three. Whoop! Whoop! Last week I did it…turned the page and began writing my 73rd Chapter in this adventure we call life! To celebrate, KK and I packed up the jeep and headed out on a road-trip. First stop was a twelve-hour ride tour thru WA, OR and CA to Massacre Rim, NV. The Rim is a Certified Dark Sky Sanctuary, one of twelve in the world (only two in the US). Because so much of our world is flooded with artificial light, most of us have no idea what can actually be seen if we’re in a place as dark as Massacre Rim. So, it’s hard to describe…stunningly beautiful. Definitely awe-inspiring. So many stars on that moonless night that they actually cast a shadow. We spent the night under the stars counting Perseid meteors soaring thru the Dark Sky. Those luminous spheroids of plasma were so bright and looked so close that I tried to pluck one out of the sky! They really did look like Tiffany diamonds on a black velvet presentation cloth. After the moon set, the Milky Way made a dramatic appearance, casting its billions of stars from horizon to zenith like a Christo art installation. The town of Cedarville was quiet…almost desolate. The Rim was 30 miles from there so no human sounds invaded our reverie. The silence was so still that I could hear my heart beat and I believed, at that moment that I could hear the music of the spheres (or perhaps it was wishful thinking). That night under the canopy of the heavens, I felt all the clocks in the world stop; complete stillness, total peace. Next, we headed across northern California with the coastline in our sights. At Yreka we turned north and entered Oregon at Klamath Falls. We made a quick stop in Medford for gas and coffee, then set cruise control at 69 MPH and enjoyed the Ponderosa pines flying by. We joked that one day soon we really will sit back, hands free (think George Jetson) and cruise. After about eight hours of driving, I put my feet in the Pacific Ocean. It was so cold and so refreshing. The beach, a hidden gem, was probably 2 miles long with fewer than a dozen sun worshipers. Maybe they we social distancing, ha! This part of our adventure was as awesome as the Dark Sky. Mother Nature is breathtaking in all her dresses. Somewhere along the Oregon coast, we found another seashore that was basically uninhabited. The rocks reminded me of sea turtles racing to the waves. I watched them for several minutes and decided that they were not in a hurry to splash in the surf :-). A dear friend funded a birthday dinner for us in Lincoln City at Kyllo’s at the Beach restaurant (https://www.kyllosseafoodandgrill.com/. The Penne alfredo was ‘lip smackin’ good’ as was the grilled asparagus. The sunset wrapped the dinner and the end of the day in a bubble of pure appreciation for life and friends. As we entered Astoria, we saw a tower sitting high on a hill. So, being curious creatures, we drove around the hills and valleys until we found it. The Astoria Column is the final, crowning monument in a series of 12 historical markers erected in the early 1900s between St. Paul, MN and Astoria, OR. The murals on the Column celebrate the earliest moments of Northwest history. Most of the imagery deals with events between 1792 and 1818 – pivotal years in Astoria’s history. It’s 125 feet in height and stands 600 feet above sea-level. Truly an impressive sight. Finally, back home. We love road-trips and we love to get back to our own beds.
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Not much new to report. I'm happy to be a free man ... happy not to be locked up, especially during this Covid-19 pandemic. It's easy for me to 'shelter in place' because I'm not working and my social security check keeps coming. I live close enough to walk to the store. I stay in touch with family and friends via Zoom and FaceTime. So far I don't know anyone who is infected.
Every day I sit on my deck and watch the awesome changing seasons. Spring is here, and the trees are getting their foliage back; what a releaf :-). My hummingbird feeder attracts the little guys all day long. It's a joy to watch them slurp up the nectar. I'm only 6 or 7 feet from the feeder so I can hear their wings beating so fast I can hardly see them. We went to Mr. Baker a few days ago. WOW! The amount of snow was amazing. Even though the lifts were closed, we saw a few cross country skiers and snowboarders. It was kinda surreal seeing so few people on such a large recreational space. The weather was clear and 65 degrees. Perfect for spring hiking. Later in the day we trekked to La Conner to see the tulip fields. Roozengaarde's was closed but we found many fields blooming with a rainbow of colorful flowers. Back home now sitting on my deck listening to the sounds of Nature. With so many people staying home, I notice that I can hear more birds singing and I see more herons fishing in the pond. The eagles are soaring above our home again. For me, the pandemic has taught me the value of slowing down. Hope you are happy, healthy and hugged often ... Just a short 'check-in' as the leaves begin to turn orange & magenta and the breeze has a bit of a chill. Autumn is my favorite season!
Where did the summer go? Looking back to early June I realize how much KK and I travelled in the past three months. We have renewed our passion for 'road-trips' - just short ones; nonetheless, we are On the Road Again as Willie Nelson croons. West to the Pacific ocean (Kalaloch), South to Mt. Adams and East to Leavenworth...all before fires! Being confined in prison made me more aware of how much I appreciate Nature. I've always enjoyed hiking and camping, but somewhere along the way I began to take the wilderness for granted. I had lost the excitement of stepping onto a trailhead or standing in a meadow under the stars. Well, I'm here to tell you that I have that feeling back and it is visceral and such a sublime sensation. In 2013 my daughter gave me a Fitbit to keep track of my walking. When I got home in March of this year I found the little device and it works! So I put it in my pocket. Turns out I'm walking about 25 miles a week, mostly between home and the library. I've taken up the harmonica! KK has her ukulele and we are making music together. We're working on The Ring from the Hobbit movie (the Shire music nor Wagner) and Let it Be from the Beatles. We're not quite ready for a roadshow but soon :-). When we are ready to rock, I'll post a video here, eh?. Finding work is still a bit of a challenge yet I'm persistent and resilient AND know that something will come my way. I am so grateful that Franklin D. Roosevelt had the foresight to start the Social Security System. The $$A makes our transition doable. And most important we've celebrated connections with good friends! Whether over backyard BBQs, impromptu gatherings or one of my several birthday parties, we've had lots of surprises and many delights this summer. Let me wish you blessings of the coming seasons...and lotsa gratitude with a capital G ... and I shall post again before the end of the year. I've been tasting freedom for about 3 1/2 months and oh how sweet it is.
It's hard to express, but I wake each morning excited about the magic of the day ahead. Tom Hanks in "Castaway" would look out at the endless ocean and say "you never know what the tide might bring in." That's kinda’ how I feel. It might sound corny yet every day I find unexpected reasons to celebrate my life; ... a bunny nibbling at grass just before the sun breaks over the morning horizon ... my wife's smile when she sees a child dancing as tho' no one is watching ... neighbors unexpectedly dropping by with a homemade sugary treat ... being aware that the sun is warming my shoulders as I walk to the store ... the soft pitter-pat of Spring rain on my Tilly hat. These things and more I am grateful for, or as Yoda would say "grateful for I am these things and more." Work? When I was discharged in March, I figured I would take a few months to settle into a new life with my wife. We talked about work and put a moving target of late summer or early autumn for me to find a job. I have cast my net to test the waters and find that being 70 with a record is a barrier. For 40 years, I was a tax accountant and investment adviser. The day I stepped into “the Joint,” my accounting and investment licenses were revoked. So now what? Whatever I do, it will have meaning to me and value to my community. An eBook? This blog goes back to the first week I entered the King County jail, more than 45 months ago. It was the best way for me to communicate with those that I love and those who love me. It was also a life preserver, a way to hang onto my sanity. I can't express strongly enough how easy it is to lose a grasp on what we call reality while locked up with men who have such huge anger and anti-social habits. These men didn't treat each other with any respect! Even the guards didn't seem to care about the forgotten mass of humanity they are charged with protecting. When a fight would break out they would stand around and watch and laugh. I imagine this is what Dante was expressing in The Inferno. Jail is a place of men who have rejected decency values and give in to violence against their fellowmen. Writing was a way for me to keep my head above the waterline, a way to hang on to civility. So, I'm thinking that maybe I'll turn it into an eBook for others who are just entering our (in)justice system as well as those unfortunates already incarcerated. So what have I been doing with my new found freedom-time? I feel like the next part of this blog might read like a Christmas letter; I've been learning how to make music, playing the blues harmonica. No joke! I was in a rock 'n roll band more than 50 years ago, a drummer. As much as I wanted to take up the skins again, I figured my apartment neighbors might object. I didn't realize how much I missed making music until I picked up the mouth harp and blew out a tune. When I get good enough, I will post a short recording here on the blog for you all to hear. I continue to walk every day; about 25 miles a week. My acupuncture practitioner tells me that walking is an excellent exercise, so I won't stop until it's time to 'check out,' hopefully many decades to come. Recently my wife and I started taking a stroll around the neighborhood after dinner. This practice reminds me of my time in Germany when I wore the Army uniform. I was billeted with a German family for several months. After the evening meal, we would all go for a walk around the village, saying "hi" to this neighbor and "hello" to that one. It's good exercise for the body and a salve for the soul. In 20 days we binge-watched all 7-seasons of Game of Thrones. I'm hooked. Can't wait for the final season. And I'm all caught up on Star Wars. We circumnavigated the Olympic peninsula for KK's birthday ... ferry to Kingston ... coffee in Port Angeles ... snack at Kalaloch and dinner in ocean shores. It had been at least 10 years since I'd been immersed in all the grandeur and beauty of the Olympics. The majesty of the evergreens always reminds me of a cathedral. The beaches and ocean were mesmerizing. As I got closer to the sea that familiar salty smell filled my senses and reminded me of a little boy fishing with his dad so many decades ago. We found a tree that the locals call "The Tree of Life" because most of it's roots out out of the soil and yet it continues to grow. All in all, it was a delightful 400 mile memory-filled adventure. Well, that's it for now. Hope you find time each day to appreciate life. Just a quick blog update to let you know I made it! I was discharged from the Department of Corrections (DOC) on March 15, 2018 ..."Beware the Ides of March." My original sentencing documents called for 12 month of parole. A week before I was release, the DOC decided I wasn't worth watching. In prison, men are given 'infractions' when they break a rule. If one garners too my infractions, more time can be added to his sentence. Me? I kept to myself and followed the rules (mostly) and did not get one infraction in the 40 months I was incarcerated. I think that's part of why the DOC waived the court ordered parole.
I immediately began settling into a life I've so missed ...the day after release I attended a concert at the Edmond's Performing Arts Center. Last week I attended a lecture on the history of the English language at Seattle University. Yesterday I received a new library card. My post MSU life continues to blossom right along with this awesome northwest spring. Yesterday's mail delivered my Voter's card and I felt compelled to share. It might be hard to understand but getting my voters card returned to me sent a visceral joyous spark through my body. It feels so good to assume the responsibility of being a citizen again. A couple years ago I read "The I Chong: Meditations from the Joint", by Tommy Chong The book is full of humor and great prison stories. One theme kept coming back onto the pages of this little memoir. It's how easily I abused and under appreciated my freedom. My uncle Bob use to say "any day above ground is a good day." I now know what he meant. As I tell my prison-story to friends and family I am reminded at how fortunate I was to land in Monroe. What I did was reprehensible. I broke the laws of society and the laws of morality and I deserved to be punished. Incarceration kept me away from my family, that was the punishment. But the counsellors at Monroe encouraged me to reflect and adjust. Today I really like the man looking back at me in the mirror. As I look out my chamber window I see the Cascades dusted with the season's first snowfall. This aspect reminds me of a bundt cake sprinkled with powered sugar - a sweet boyhood memory.
Believe it or not, I am grateful to be a member of the Minimum Security Unit here at Monroe prison. Of course, I'd rather be with my wife/friends/family celebrating Life yet this little detour seems necessary for me and the man who looks back at me in my shaving mirror. Perhaps celebrating can happen here too! This quarter I was required to take two therapy type classes. They were Introduction to Depression and PTSD 101. It turns out that learning how to face the events that brought about these mental diagnoses in my life is helping in ways I find difficult to explain. Suffice it to say I have far fewer melancholy days and people can more often come up behind me and touch my shoulder without my insides turning into a block of ice. I've been promoted to the Therapy Community Boardroom - HOORAY! "So what??" you might ask. In my world I celebrate this development! The Board, also known as the Upper Structure, is comprised of 12 inmates and two staff members. Yup...the patients are running the asylum - hah! You see, Unit A (my location) is designed to teach men how to act, once released. Most of the men have been labeled antisocial their whole lives. We teach pro-social skills. Here they get the time to practice changing their destructive behaviors. It's a microcosm of the world they will enter into and remain part of when they are released. Our recidivism rate is 12% vs. the general population recidivism rate of 50% to 70%! We operate TC like any organization on the other side of the razor wire. It's a culture with rules, mores, and consequences...both positive and negative - ALL instructive. I am happy to be using my education (got that degree in Organizational Development back in the mid-90's) AND my life experience helping others. It's a good feeling when a man, tattooed head to foot, comes to me and says "hey man, awesome class, thank you." Did I mention that as a Board Member I get paid a salary? It's true ... $0.42 per hour (count'em ... that's forty-two CENTS!). No doubt the 'thank yous' are more valuable than any money. In addition, I must say I feel proud that I will be able to buy enough coffee to last the whole month...truly small blessings are treasures. I think I mentioned taking a Creative Writing Class...well, I really like the teacher, enough in fact that I've registered for her next class starting in January. She's going to have the class study and write about Restorative Justice (Google it!). It's an intriguing concept...a kind of blueprint that brings justice to the victims, the community (society) and the offender. Our current system focuses on punishing the offender, which doesn't always bring justice to victims and usually leaves society completely out of the equation. A few states already offer restorative sentencing (not Washington) so I am looking really forward to this class. I know it might sound counter-intuitive yet I am TRULY grateful to be alive, even here in prison. I haven't been abandoned by all...as one might expect. My friends and children write, send books, put money on my account for supplies AND they visit...perhaps one of the best of gifts! And my wife...the amazing woman behind this man...she does all those things too PLUS she still loves me. Only God knows why, but she does, and for that I am Christmas-morning happy ... and JOY FULL!! As we roll toward 2016, know that I wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas/Holiday Season and an Awesome NEW YEAR! The world is no doubt richer and more brilliant because of you and all you love ... nI have been "locked up" for 1-year today. ANNIVERSARY: the annual return of the date of a notable event. NOTABLE: marked by an achievement. I cannot say I like the idea that this day is an anniversary, yet IT IS! The achievement? I have survived. I am still alive and I can honestly say I am happy about it. When I put my feet on the floor in the morning I am at peace (on most days!), I smile and look forward to the day. Twelve months ago I was dropped into the King County Correctional Facility (KCCF) and sent into a concrete room referred to as The Tank. The drop happened to nineteen other men...at various times. There were angry men, suicidal men, homicidal men, homophobic men, drug-addicted men, black men, white men, red men and yellow men; dangerous men, desperate men...perhaps even frightened men, though that was less apparent to me since fear kept my heart from beating most of the time, let alone feeling any empathy. Those descriptors were how I used to see those men. Today I feel I know those men! I KNOW them to be fragile and scared sentient/human beings. Lots happened in "The Tank" that I hope to forget...AND I survived. After 5 months in that part of Dante's Inferno, I was transferred to the Shelton Prison and introduced to a "tier" which housed sixty men. While at KCCF I was locked up 24/7...in THE TANK! At Shelton I was allowed outside...two hours of fresh outdoor air...every day. I will forever remember the sweet yellow daffodil I saw on my first outing. I think I wrote a haiku about her. Little events like that brought me great pleasure...and gratitude began to have a new meaning. The men there were from a variety of backgrounds...all labeled dangerous. I shared my cell and my fifteen-minute meals (gobbled and timed by guards) with murderers, rapists, drug dealers and gang members. AND I survived. After six weeks in Shelton I was consigned to Monroe Prison MSU (that label stands for Minimum Security Unit). Initially I was housed in 'B' unit with forty men. Most of those men have been in prison more than half their life. Men in their mid-30's were finishing ten and twelve year sentences. Some in their late 30's to late 50's have been in and out of prison since their early teens. Monroe MSU is a kind of reward...with minimum security, it is the last stop before freedom. That means most of the men are on their best behavior - when the guards are looking. Unit 'B' was slightly better than Shelton. In many ways it felt like a fraternity dormitory. Tho' I was never in a frat house, I do recall the movie Animal House...do you?? The actual floor was always a mess. There was STUFF everywhere! Music was always played LOUDly. The boy-men were always "horsing around" (from the Urban Dictionary and my editor..verb 1. To engage in pre-adolescent hijinks that generally annoy stodgy adults who were raised in a different time). I felt these men were trying for a kind of "normal" horseplay; however, there was something edgy underneath it all. It seemed that I could see fear and anger, perhaps even rage in their eyes. If you accidentally bumped into a resident on "B", there was an initial moment filled with tension, a nanosecond when the entire floor froze with adrenaline-filled anticipation. It was like walking into a forest, making some unbidden noise and suddenly listening to the birds simultaneously stop singing. In prison, one can be stabbed (aka shanked) for the slightest hint of what is considered disrespect. One can also be taken advantage of (aka abused) for showing weakness. So...when you bump into another prisoner, what should you do? Saying I'm sorry shows weakness (and in that situation, it really does indicate weakness). Not apologizing shows disrespect. I know this sounds crazy but prison mores are counterintutive. All the residents know that our next "assignment" is freedom and that fighting is a tick- back to "closed custody", translated as prison with bars. Yet prison community-rules (I do not know what else to call them!?@#) are hard to set aside. So both men glance around. If there is a handshake and mumbled "no problem man" that means the guards are watching. If the men involved head for the bathroom, it means the guards aren't watching and there will be a fight. .. out of sight and with no observation except the obvious physical signs. AND I survived. About two months ago I was moved once again here at MSU. This time to 'A' unit, to a floor of eighteen men in a barracks type of situation. These eighteen men are genuinely respectful. All music and TV programming is listened to through earbuds. Each sleeping area is swept and mopped every morning by the residents. Beds are made and uniforms are hung in lockers. There's no swearing and there's some laughter. Of course there are still difficult moments. Eighteen men - some with serious mental health issues, is a rich environment in which to grow...perhaps even flourish. The "program" is designed to assist men to take responsibility and often follows AA kinds of guidelines. AND I am surviving. Today I'm in a two-man room. This room has a door that I can open whenever the spirit moves me. It is the first door I have had the opportunity to "control" during this period of one year. We have a window, opened or closed...this is another choice made by the two of us. I wake up every morning and tell myself I CAN DO THIS! Thank you all for this year of support! The cards, letters, money on my supplies account; the newspapers, phone calls, visits, prayers and most of all - the LOVE...yes, your love! You have all played a part in saving my life and I am forever grateful. EDITOR COMMENTS...cuz she can!!
The visits I have now with Patrick are even more precious as time keeps us separate and so much is changing in our world...we are very fortunate to share the movin' and shakin' of ol' Mama E!! There are two writings that Patrick shared with me...one when our dear friend, G3, left Planet Earth...and the other simply a blink in time, written on an envelop...yet both touched me deeply and I wanted you to have a chance to read them...so I share here....cuz I CAN!?!@# The first...as G3 passes into the light...Patrick found this one about death...in a book loaned to him by a colleague at Monroe: A friend came to console Chuang-Tzu upon his wife's death and found him singing and beating time on a basin... Chuang said: When my wife died, how could I help being affected? I realized she originally had no life, no form, no force (ch'i). In limbo, transformation and force evolved. She became life through birth. She will be transformed through death. It is like the rotation of the four seasons. She now lies in the Great Mother(Universe). For me to weep would be to show my ignorance of destiny. AND THEN these thoughts ...another tiny handwritten note on an envelop...came from Patrick's pen: We live in a time when all can know all that one does...cameras everywhere...electronic footprints every time one buys something....an old expression comes to mind... Don't do or say anything you would not want printed in the clouds for all to see! Now all is recorded in the cloud...for all to see. HIS LATEST ADDRESS...should you be so inclined? Patrick Leonard 381195 A309L MCC MSU PO BOX 7001 Monroe, WA 98272 Whom do I thank for the Sherlock Holmes - Complete Novels and Stories? As autumn arrives, these tales will make great weekend reading. When it's cold and wet outside, I will curl up on my bunk with a hot cuppa cocoa
and escape into the world of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. THANKS TO YOU of the mystery world!! Someone also sent me Lee Child's newest Jack Reacher novel Make Me. Many thanx! Surprise gifts from the unknown...how can it get any better? Another coincidence in my corner...I watched Charlie Rose interview Lee Child a few weeks ago. Appearently in this story, the always-manly Jack Reacher shows some vulnerability ... and he falls in love! What is the world coming to? I am grateful every day for the Wall Street Journal subscription, you Darling Duo! Saying thank you hardly seems adequate, but it's the best I can do for now. The articles are smart and thought provoking. The Sunday New York Times will start arriving soon so I'll get a "balanced slant" (mmmm, is that possible?) on the news - Ha! Not sure if I told you that I've moved to a Theraputic Community called Crossroads. There are only 20 men in the dorm, down from 40. WE are respectful to each other and there's no noise, no talking between 10:00 pm and 10:00 am. There is no swearing, no vulgarity and I think I can safely say, WE are determined to never return to prison. Lack of education has held some back from success so I help with writing letters and answering questions about "the real world out there." There are lots of questions about interview skills and how the Social Security system works. Mostly they are looking for legal ways to support themselves and to find meaning in honest work when they leave Crossroads...appropriate, eh? I have chosen not to rent or buy a TV because I like to read and write. However when the Seahawks play, my roommate invites me to the game. I buy microwave popcorn at the store and save it for game day. Of course we share...he's a funny man with a long beard...a thick accent...Ukrainian...and a good sense of humor. This quarter I'm enrolled in a creative writing class. And I'm still enjoying yoga and Toastmasters ... trying to keep mind, body & spirit healthy. I recently had a complete physical with good results. All body parts are working as designed, except maybe my eyes. Gonna visit the optometrist next for new glasses. The doctor, a kind and caring Asian woman, wants me to put on some weight. I'm 146 - YIKES! She wants me to add 20 pounds. The store, from which I can buy supplies mostly sells candy and chips, but if one looks around there are some healthy choices. This week I bought some rolled oates, granola, flour tortillas, refried beans, some bagels & cream cheese...with the help of my Ukrainian friend and the microwave, I have some great snack potentials! That should add a little weight. The vegan meals I am served here are tasty but the meal size is small so I'm thinking I don't get enough calories....hence my 146!! Well, that's all the news that's fit to type for today. Hope y'all are alright. The world keeps spinning...and I watch with interest...thanx to all of you who write or email or share information!! AGAIN....GRATITUDE from my corner to yours! ...since I last checked in so here's a quick update. I turned the page on another month today and see it's pyrotechnics time. Guess what? I will celebrate my freedom along with you on July 4th. Given my circumstance, that statement might seem odd. Here's a news flash. Today I am rid of the demons that controlled much of my life!
On this 90 degree day, that sentence sends chills up my spine. Through my letters you have witnessed me kicking and screaming "noooooooo" these past 8 months as I struggled from my first day in the King County jail to my present "dormitory" at the Minimum Security Unit at Monroe. I must add that I would not have reached this level without all your cards and visits and prayers! Thank you is not enough but I don't have the words to completely express my appreciation for all your love and support so thank you will have to do for now. Not long ago I decided that survival of this experience is not enough. The result must be extraordinary. To that end, here's how I use my time: I have helped three residents write their Business Plans. One of the entepreneurs is already out getting ready to open a combo ice cream parlor and coffee stand on the beach in California. Another is planning to create a salon specializing in hair extensions. And the third is heading to Silicon Valley looking for venture capital. His idea is a 'game-changer." As a result of those three men and their enthusiasm, I have permission to teach a class on how to start a business. I believe if I can "demystify" the process, we will see miracles. The idea is that they will walk out of prison with a plan in their hands and the belief that they can create profitable sustainable, legal enterprises. There is something in the Bible about teaching a man to fish and he will never go hungry. That's the idea. Maybe a program like this will help break the history of violance and poverty and welfare dependence and lower the recidivism rate...one nevah' knows, do one? (That one belongs to Fats Waller, not me!) So my days unfold...
Happy hot dogs and fire cracklin... Be safe .. It's 9:00am and I'm at the Monroe Correctional Complex track w/coffee listening to Breakfast with the Beatles. Above me, from horizon to horizon, is the color of a robin's egg...you know that amazing blue?!@ The arc of the sky, the firmament - sans clouds - fills me with wonder and excitement. Rays from the sun knead my back muscles while a cool breeze gifts me with the scent of a freshly mowed lawn. Men are playing baseball, running on the crushed rock track, playing chess and some, like me, are sitting at the picknic tables enjoying the moment. When I close my eyes and focus my consciousness on hearing - listening - I could be witnessing a Norman Rockwell moment...a painting in the making. It's truely a bucolic setting. Then the climbing sun reflects a shaft of light off the razor wire and I'm aware ... I'm in prison! How many realities can I be in at one moment?!@# AND YOU???
I've been looking inward trying to find me. Its kinda fun :-) - trying to be aware of being aware. When I attempt to disengage from my feelings - my emotions and the sensory objects of form, the world slows down and ceases to be less of a problem. It's just something I'm watching...like a movie. I haven't actually been able to completely disconnect from the movie 'cuz something always seems to attract my attention yet I SHALL keep trying. I know what it's like to stand at the center of consciousness, to be aware of being aware. In my youth I would frequently flee into the back country of the Cascades or Olympic mountains for a few days of backpacking and solitude. Four or five times I spontainously experienced an awareness of perfect peace....what does that mean to you?? "It" just came over me, uninvited. I don't know if it was nirvana but I bet I was standing right outside the door. For a few moments I tasted eternity. Literally it was just a few seconds. I only got a glimpse of infinity but the peacefulness was so intense that today, 40 years later, I can still feel that awareness. So now I'm trying to replicate that state of awareness here in prison. Stay tuned, I will report my successes...'cause I KNOW THEY WILL BE!! |
AuthorPatrick Michael Leonard Archives
August 2020
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