On January 15, I fell and decided I couldn't get up...it simply was not worth getting up one more time! I just sat down and said ENOUGH...I QUIT!! That day, my scheduled day in court was once again extended out another week. The finish line keeps getting moved and it's frustrating not knowing when this will all end. I was a little blue about the delay. Then, after dinner, "the tank" was searched...tossed...swept....whatever word you use, it happened again. I have witnessed and been "victim" of this standard operating procedure several times. I returned from "the hearing" to find all your cards and letters scattered on my bunk and on the floor. Pictures of my family had been ripped off the wall and crumpled. AND my commissary food (treasured commodities in here!) was given the same treatment. Cups of soup were on the floor and on my bed. I think that's really when I gave up...instead of putting everything back in neat little piles, I pulled over "the tank" garbage can and threw it all away!!
Then I jumped into bed and fell into a deep, deep sleep.
When I awoke and realized what I had done, the blues gave way to depression. I threw away letters and cards and articles that were important...very important...to me and my existence in "the tank". Those pieces of paper were evidence...PROOF that people cared about me!
I stopped writing and stopped reading. I stopped eating. I just slept! The 1/15/15 court date had been moved out to 1/22/15. Guess what happened?? YUP!! Extended out to 2/2/15! The wheels of justice???
It's now Sunday, January 25 and I am feeling a bit better - ergo this blog post. Not sure how I will make it to the finish line...if they keep moving it away from me...but I have decided I will try.
I've requested to be moved to a different jail. The new location has one and two man cells rather than my current 20 man tank. The noise factor would be better and I would finally get a good night's sleep...I hope! Three months with the lights on and people talking all night long do not make for a restful night...and somewhere I read our nation is filled with folks who cannot sleep, which leads to diabetes and depression as well as accidents in vehicles of all kinds.
When I look back over the past ten days, I cannot remember much of it. My lawyer came twice to ask questions and tell me more about my case. If only I could recall the conversations - HA!!
I feel as tho' muck, a foot deep, has encased my brain, dulling my senses, obstructing my ability to think clearly or interpret what I hear. Well, I won't worry about what I cannot recall. I will focus on the present once again...and look forward to a meaningful life...